I was pretty much all set to leave the next day when she got down on one knee at the foot of the bed and asked me to marry her and stay.
Uh.
Uhhhhhh.
Like a deer in headlights.
I barely understood the words coming out of her mouth.
"You want toooooo .... um, what?"
I felt like Homer Simpson. Doh!
After the fact.
Truth is, during the moment it was such a random thing that it never occurred to me to even consider saying yes.
She didn't love me.
She barely cared.
She only used me, like so many others, for my money.
Sometimes to the tune of $12,000 a month.
That's just how much it cost to keep up with her, the 4 kids, 2 dogs, 2 rabbits, a turtle and a rat in a 2,200 sq ft 4 bedroom house with a 2 car garage in a gated community with a new Jeep, my truck and a bunch of insurances and electric and water bills.
Brutally expensive.
And I was leaving her.
I had to.
I had to go back to where the work was. To Florida.
I simply couldn't afford all that out in California.
And I'd spent the past 2 years doing exactly that and trying to get there myself because "I was in love".
For crying out loud.
Within a few months (and mind you, we were still 'together' and I was still sending money) she found the guy she would eventually take advantage of for life and marry.
She started cheating.
Good for her.
Good for him.
Thank the Lord from me.
Some open doors are not opportunities - unless you look in the right place.
As much as that hurt and stung - and as long as it took to get over that loss - because I didn't just lose a girl I lost an entire family - an entire eco-system of support and purpose - I was able to "find" myself.
I know who I am and it's not that.
Sure, I'm the "best" dad ever.
Caring. Loving. Selfless - but that doesn't matter.
That's not who I'm meant to be with someone else's children.
I'm not meant to be their father.
I'm meant to be the person I am today.
And am I ever grateful - after the fact - that situation didn't work out.
I would have ever been miserable now. It wouldn't have lasted anyhow because it wasn't long after I was fully moved - mostly moved - to California - I found out who she was for real.
And she was not a nice person.
Years later - now - right this moment - I'm eternally grateful I said 'no' and moved on.
Good things are coming. There are Open Doors and Opportunity everywhere. The lesson is to look for the right one's, spot the bad one's sooner, and move on when necessary.
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