I was about to drown. I was going under over and over again and at one point, I started staying under. I was trying my best to get up. Struggling. I couldn't breathe and water was going up my nose. I had never skied on water before so I didn't know what to do in that situation.
It turns out that what you do in that situation isn't too far different than what you do when real life has you upside down and drowning.
Let go of the rope.
Only then you can float back to the top.
--
I remember one time I walked into the house. My mom was washing her hands. She wouldn't quit.
I said, "mom, how come you're washing your hands so much?" "I'm washing my hands with you".
The first sign of her mental illness.
The next would be when she tried to kill herself and ended up in psych for 2 weeks on watch.
That happened a couple of times actually.
--
One time she had a gun and was running down the road with it in her hand. She was going to shoot herself in the head - my brother was chasing her. Tackled her. Got the gun away from her.
She never got over the fact that he skint up her knees when he tackled her. Sure, he saved her life. That's not what she wanted. He skint up her knees.
She never let go of that rope. It's still drowning their relationship.
--
I once got in a fight with my dad in the garage. He was angry at her. They had been in their 1,243 fight - for the day.
He was out of his mind and was going to go driving around. I stopped him. And took his keys.
Needless to say, it is what it is.
--
I don't paint those pictures or tell those stories because they are easy to tell. My parents are wonderful people.
Good, decent, hard working people (mostly).
I tell them because when I let go of those ropes, I stopped being drowned by their problems. In fact, I never knew growing up how many problems they really had.
When I realized that my parents were human too - and they had their own set of circumstances that they were dealing with, things I knew nothing about, it was one of the best days of my life.
You do you. I'll do me. I got you if you need but I'm letting go of that rope.
I'm not going to be drowned by my families mental illnesses.
--
The ex-girlfriend - with the 4 kids and 2 dogs, 2 rabbits, a turtle and a rat - she really did a number.
I was holding onto that rope for dear life. Drowning the entire time. Underwater and living on nothing more than a hot dog a day. It was terrible.
I was the one holding on. She didn't have a rope to hold onto. So I did all the holding.
Occasionally I would be able to get above the water a little and get some air. But then it was right back down to drowning.
I remember having flown out there to see the new house I'd gotten her the month before. Big house. 2,200 sq. feet. 4 bedrooms. 2 car garage. Nice back yard. Great neighborhood. It was nice.
But expensive.
I was sitting in the dining room, on the floor, looking for a job that would get me moved out there and provide for all the responsibility I had willingly taken on. I couldn't find one.
Day after day I looked. It's practically all I did, look for some place to work.
I was so broken from doing carpet I could barely use my arms and wrist. I was just killing myself back in Florida to pay for everything. Drowning.
The rope pulling me under.
We were "together" for years. Turns out I should have let go much, much sooner.
When I finally found an opportunity out there for myself, she told me not to come back. She was gone - so were the kids and the pets and the house and the jeep.
Once I realized it was a blessing and that I could let go of the rope and stop drowning, that I was going to be okay and I didn't have to live under water like that and sacrifice everything for someone else (who was cheating for much of the last year it turned out), then of course I felt better.
--
Sometimes parents make kids hold ropes they shouldn't be holding - "you're going to college" "you're working in the factory" "you'll be an attorney like your dad" "you're marrying that boy".
The kid ends up drowning - too scared to let go of the rope and disappoint.
--
The question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" is a rope that can be held onto to the point of near drowning. Here's a few of mine:
Kung Fu teacher
Professional skate racer
Professional freestyle bicyclist
Professional wide receiver in the NFL
Palm Springs real estate professional
Professional songwriter
Professional performer
Professional guitar player
Professional problem solver
Think Tank professional
Billionaire
Loved
The list goes on and on.
All ropes I was holding onto - drowning me.
--
People seem to always want to hold on to things. Things from the past. People they once knew. Jobs they had. Old injuries supplied by others.
Anger. Resentment. Disappointment.
When I let go of those ropes is when I actually start learning from those experiences.
At some point your internal 'life preserver' should kick in and your mind should tell you:
Stop going under.
Stop drowning.
Let go of the rope.
Float back to the top.
That's how you find Open Doors and Opportunity.
Offers/Advertising:
White Hot Weight Loss
Regain Sharper Focus and Boost Your Memory
A Ground-Breaking New Diet
The Jesus Diet